, has once again crafted a 10-day tarot challenge, this time centred around self-love. I adore Annie and her content. We are only on day 2, and my tarot deck has already become my own personal Biff Tannen: "Hey McFly!" as I see the card repeating from yesterday. "Hello? Hello? Anybody home, huh? Think McFly! Think!" And as I sat here staring at the cards, I swear I heard them say, "What are you looking at, Butthead?"
Okay, okay... maybe that's proof of my need for self-love more than how my tarot deck actually feels about me. (Though they've never shied away from slapping me with the cold hard facts.) Cards often repeat themselves, and I hear that in John Bender's (The Breakfast Club) voice: "Did I stutter?" Today, it was distinctly Biff's voice. If anything, I think this goes to show how well my deck knows me (and it should, as we've been together for 26 years): that it can immediately conjure these responses that will elicit appropriate action. Should it take 1980s movie bullies to get my ass in gear? No. Yet, here we are.
This is probably a good time to chat a bit about tarot. If you're unfamiliar-- apart from what is often depicted in media and the silly woo-woo charlatans that plague markets and fairs (not all, but enough)—I wouldn't blame you for rolling your eyes and wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Outside of their use in spiritual divination (which I do use them for also, full disclosure), they are an outstanding tool for subconscious divination. Rich in symbolism, meaning, and psychological archetypes-- it's an effective way to reach the parts of you that are otherwise difficult to decipher or reach. In fact, many years ago, when I trained as a hypnotherapist (to work with medical professionals), tarot was part of our subconscious studies!
I gave an example of this in my Stick A Fork In Me-- I'm Done post. Here's another example from today...
One of the things we asked was, how can I fill my own cup? The Strength card was my answer. On it, we see a woman with a lion—she has seemingly tamed this wild animal— the same animal that tore men apart in the Colosseum. Keywords we could use to interpret this card are-- strength, courage, compassion, and influence/persuasion. Pretty obvious, right?
While those things rang true, I needed to sit with this. Taming the beast rolled through my head, but that didn't feel right. Then it hit me—I need to make friends with my shadows. It's not about taming those parts of me. That conjures images of fighting for control and inescapable conflict. I'm too fucking tired for that. What if those parts need to be seen, heard, and understood? What if they were loved for what they are, not despite it?
It reminded me of my banking days. Some customers came into the branch that everyone dreaded. My approach was to always be kind and patient. It didn't take long for them to approach me in a completely different way than my colleagues. One of them even made me a CD with music we both enjoyed! He was bright and jovial—a far cry from the insipid prick (though he remained that way to everyone else) I had originally encountered.
And as these memories flooded my mind, it became clear that I needed to do the same thing for myself. I don't want to beat them into submission. This meat suit is inhospitable enough. In fact, I often refer to my body as the Iron-Deficient Maiden, after the mythical Iron Maiden torture device.
And when I say it became clear, the fact the cards took on Biff Tannen's tone in my head is evidence that I know this and have known this for quite some time. I need to do what I need to do. Once they shift into my dad’s voice… the “how many times do I have to tell you?” voice… I know I’m in big trouble.
I highly recommend Annie's Office Hours with The Tarot Professor substack.